” which is quickly followed by “how soon can I get back out there?” Knowing my stance on giving yourself enough time to heal from heartbreak, my newly-single friends will often shy away from telling me they’ve begun dating again.Some of my clients will even jokingly ask me for one in the weeks and months following a breakup.And many have the same questions for me, their therapist and personal breakup coach: “how long is the pain going to last?Consider the number of variables involved in answering: Are there children involved?Was the divorce amicable and are both parties on good terms?After a breakup, you’ll go through a lot of complicated emotions, including two that can make the recovery process worse: the one that makes you feel like you and your ex are in a competition as to who can move on the fastest and the one that urges you to be with someone else because you can’t be alone. Running into the arms of a new person before you’re ready is not the way to get over someone. You’re not going to be alone forever – there are millions of people in this world!You’ll either end up treating them as a rebound, or just hurting yourself even more because you’re not allowing yourself to properly heal. Just based on chance and probability alone, you will move on and find love again and it doesn’t have to be right now.
Do you still want to get back together with your ex? You see how all of these things can radically impact your decision as to when to get back out there? I couldn’t convince her to take me back, so I did what I do best – I went back online – literally MINUTES after I returned home from the teary breakup.
And I don’t know the first thing about you or your individual circumstances. Now, in some respects, this made sense, in that I wasn’t going wallow in misery and think about what I did wrong or how I could fix things.
But I thought it was an important question, which is why I want to analyze it with you. I made the conscious decision to move on instantly.
“…don’t kill me, but I’ve got two Match dates lined up this week…” (cue my loud sighing) We all know deep down that dating too soon after a breakup is a bad idea. The pain of a broken heart activates the same parts of the brain as clinical depression.
It causes us real, physical suffering that can last weeks or months, and the lure of new romantic love is one of the strongest antidotes.